Talk and Answers

You Always Need Your Mom

2011-02-21T16:38:00.000-08:00

It will be three months ago tomorrow that my Mother died of cancer. She wasn't just my Mom she truly was also my best friend. I was one of those lucky girls who actually loved to spend time with her Mom. We "saw" each other, knew each other, respected each other, as mother and daughter and as woman and woman. I often say, I am proud to have become my mother. She was smart, creative, positive, interested in people and gifted with a great, albeit a bit off color, sense of humor. In an unforeseen turn of events I became a divorced single mom about the same age my mother had become a divorced single mom. My daughters were even the exact same ages as my sister and I were when my mom got divorced.Our lives shared many parallels, many similar challenges and joys.

I watched my mom live gracefully while dying. I sat by her side as she entertained friends who meant so much to her for the last time. I assured her her sickness was no burden to me. I reminder her that she was teaching me how to live with disease and how to come to the end of life still fully alive. She honored me by allowing me to lay at her side and hold her hand as she took her last breath. I whispered in her ear "Go Momma, You are free. We will always be together". I made sure the window was open so her soul could fly. I held her hand for a long time letting each vein, each finger, her smell etch in my mind forever. The hand I held when I was her little girl was now empty of her soul.I knew I couldn't hold on forever but I didn't want to let go.

Sadness born of loss is a difficult pain to suffer. Mine often feels like a huge cold and violent wave that crashes over me pulling me under as I struggle to surface, to breathe. There is no pill to take , no cut to bandage, only time to pass as strength returns to my heart. We always need our Mom's!! My mother was a fabulous mom and I will misses her and the part of our life that was our journey together until it is my day to die. I send peace and love to everyone who has lost their mom and happiness to evey mother and daughter who have years of lunches and laughter ahead of them. "I love you Mom"

Post Divorce Dating Dilemma

2011-02-18T13:31:00.000-08:00

TALK: I'm a recently divorced woman and haven't been in the dating scene for a couple of decades now. Can you give me a few pointers on "casual" dating so I can get out there and sample my options?

ANSWER: You strike me as a savvy woman since you have already ascertained the most important rule of the game: Keeping your options open. There are definitely some key rules to apply to "sport dating", aka, casual dating.

Keep all the plays and players straight. Who tried to score, who made a pass, who was the tight end ? Sounds obvious but when there are many players it can get confusing. This is where the little black book comes in handy. No harm in keeping a few stats.
Play all early rounds in public venues. Coffee shops, bookstores, lunch places, all allow for quick break aways should the play become foul.
Restrain from home runs, touchdowns and any full court press too early in the game. Always best to wait until you have significantly narrowed the playing field.
Remain a free agent as long as possible. If you just went through a divorce I don't have to tell you how complicated contract negations can be.
Be sure you are playing with updated equipment, after all a couple of decades is a considerable amount of time. Get familiar with on-line dating, update the hair cut and please......loose the granny panties.

You are older and wiser and you will find that as long as you keep it casual "sport dating" is a great way to get back in the game and to re hone your skills. Happy dating!

Love or Money

2011-02-18T13:03:00.000-08:00

TALK: My friends and I were having a debate about which would be a worse fate: marrying a rich man you don't love or enjoy physically or marrying a poor man you love passionately and have great chemistry with. What do you think?

ANSWER: Family money or "family jewels"? Darlin' I would rather be caught holding the family jewels any day. Without love you have poverty of the soul and that is the worst fate of all.

T & A of the day

2011-02-16T17:16:00.000-08:00

TALK: I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. We are both in our late 30's and talk openly about how lucky we are to have finally found each other. We talk about our life together, what it will be like to grow old together, etc. Needless to say I am very confident in our commitment even though we haven't discussed marriage yet. Last week he started making plans for us to take a trip in late August. I suddenly realized my lease will end in late August. Here's where my question comes in....How do I bring up my lease ending without being the one to lead the "moving in" together conversation? It seems like a conversation we should have but I don't want to look like I am pushing it.

Sincerely, Love vs Lease

ANSWER: You actually have the perfect set up to put the issue out there without pushing an agenda at all. You should just say casually in conversation that traveling in late August is complicated because that is also when your lease comes up and suggest you explore another date for travel. This way you have put it out there about the lease but not the moving in angle of that topic. Another approach might be to test the waters with your landlord about a six month or month to month extension just so you have options if your love needs a little more time to bloom. You are wise not to "push" the issue because as you note you are confident in your commitment so if this is where you are going you will get there when it's all meant to be.

Valentines Day and Night

2011-02-11T12:53:00.000-08:00

I hate cliches. Please don't give me red roses and chocolates. Don't ever bestow a teddy bear upon me. It's all too "packaged" and predictable.All it tells me is that you are a follower. I want a leader. A love rebel ! True romance is born from creativity, free thinking and impulsive passion. Write me a poem, cook me a dinner, dance naked, tickle me. Tell me you love me with warm soft kisses. It's all good as long as it's all you and it lasts all night. Valentines day should be a day when we make our focus each other and put words to why and how we love each other. Any memorable Valentines Day should involve laughter, nudity and falling asleep in each others arms. Love is all you need.

Internet Intrusions

2011-02-05T13:06:00.000-08:00

I am sure I am not the only woman who is completely annoyed by the Internets ability to facilitate old girlfriends tracking down our boyfriends. My fiance is a very honest guy and has told me about the numerous e-mails and Facebook friend invites he has received from women from his past looking for a little "reconnect". Now these women don't know he is currently in a committed relationship but my guess is they wouldn't care even if they did. The Internet invites a certain privacy that can easily become secrecy. The old girlfriend who sits at her computer and tracks down the guy from her past is usually not doing so for an innocent "hello". No, I am pretty sure they are lonely, unsatisfied ex's seeking the old flame with a charge of anticipation and expectation of flirtation. Try as I may to guard my intimacy with my lovely and loyal man, I am no match for the total access to him that the Internet allows. I trust him, I believe in the strength of our love but I am still extremely annoyed by these uninvited Internet intrusions into my relationship.

Please share with me your tales and tips for tackling this modern girl dilemma.

Heather http://www.talkandanswers.com/

Internet Infidelity

2011-02-05T12:34:00.000-08:00

Internet infidelity,

Kiss and then delete.

Make me randy promises

from your office suite.

Seduce me with superlatives
   and adjectives erect.
It's just a naughty note or two
   that no one will detect.

Erase me from your outbox
   but keep the sheepish grin.
That just may be the only box
   I ever let you in.

Original poem by, Heather at Talk and Answers   http://www.talkandanswers.com/